Five Ways to Build (and Keep) Rapport

Building rapport is one of my favorite things to do with a person. I also think it's one of the most important things you can do.

When working with autistic individuals and people with ADHD, depression, chronic illness, anxiety, etc. building rapport building is even more important. Almost all of my students come to me with past experiences of judgement, bullying, and isolation.

Sometimes, it takes months to truly build that rapport. And sometimes it takes years. One student I work with is finally expressing themself, after two years of selective mutism while at school. And what a joy that has seen to unfold!

The past experiences (past history) an individual has had with trusting others, greatly impacts their academic and social success/progress.

What are some ways to build rapport?

1. Ask questions and attentively listen. They are coming into your space so that you can learn about them. Not the other way around.

2. Know where their boundaries begin, and respect them. Don’t make sudden changes too quickly. Sometimes, I have students who have strong boundaries and when faced with a change or “threat” to their boundary, the student panics and may become emotionally dysregulated (shouting, crying, throwing things, etc.). That boundary was put there because it worked in the past. That is all the person may know how to do when it comes to surviving/protecting oneself. And, this may be happening at subconcious levels. It is important to be mindful of their boundaries and overtime, show them that it’s okay to change and provide new tools for them to use that may better fit their new environment.

Some examples of such boundaries may be; having a specific routine when going about his/her daily living, needing to talk with only one friend throughout the days, eating only familiar foods, transitioning on their time, etc.

3. Build in time for “Rapport Building Resets.” Rapport building is not a “one and done” approach when working with someone. It is a dynamic, ebb and flow between two people. Every six weeks, I do a “week off” of novel material and work to focus on maintian and building my relationship with my students. We work on growth mindset and socila-emotioal learning activiites, talk about life in general, and have fun.

4. Incorporate their interests. You do not have to do this every single time, as that’s not possible, or even life. But, by incorporating what they tell you and teach you, it shows that you are listening. It’s a simple way to build that trust between the two of you.

5. Think about yourself. How do you build trust/rapport with someone? What does or does not work for you? Humans are all different, so what works for one may not work for another but at the end of the day, humans all crave to be listened to, understood, respected, and connected.